Mindfulness has changed my view on life, and it has changed my brain. I attribute most of my current emotional state to the philosophy behind mindfulness. The practice gave me the window to actively view the cause of anxiety within myself.
Before Mindfulness
Growing up, I often scoffed at the spiritual teachers my mother would introduce me to. I would play devil’s advocate, saying their words were unrealistic and unfounded. I also believed my beliefs were solid, and my world view wouldn’t change. It was my original introduction to those beliefs that founded mindfulness that shattered this sentiment for the better.
Like many people, when I entered the adult world my relationship with my emotions resembled a battlefield. I would strictly fight back against social anxiety, insecurities, and discomfort in general.
This was unhealthy, but manageable through the many distractions that existed in my life. That is until I started experiencing depersonalization. To be frank, it doesn’t really matter if you understand this. Mindfulness applies to everything at all times.
The point is, I felt like I lost my “control” over my brain. I feared the moment anxiety would kick in, and felt like I constantly battled intrusive thoughts.
My Cure
Cure might not be the right word here. If you know anything about mindfulness, there is no goal to the practice, the peace that follows from mindfulness is an added benefit.
What mindfulness does cure, is the continuation of the root cause to many of our unnecessary anxieties.
Put simply, it’s a shift in perception to observation. Mindfulness is not meant to procure any specific state of mind, or change your emotional state. It’s a practice to habitually change the way we react to what happens to us.
This is great to know, but instead of elaborating on its ineffably mystical qualities, I’ll stick to its practical application.
How Mindfulness Actually Helped Me
It’s easier to understand the problems that come with not being mindful, then trying to articulate it exactly.
Every time we approach anxiety with the goal to change the feeling, we immediately make it more difficult for the brain to be at peace.
It may seem counterintuitive, but look at it this way. To “us”, anxiety seems bad, but to the brain, it’s just following protocol. There is no good or bad emotion to the brain, they all have the same value. When we strain to remove anxiety and cling to happy feelings, we throw off the balance of the brain.
This can create additional alarm bells for us, and forces us to try to continually push the brain to be in a specific state.
Instead of calming us down, this will often have the opposite effect.
The radical moment for me, was when I would experience thoughts that would sky rocket my anxiety in the past, but were just observations for me now.
It’s not that my thoughts and emotions were never uncomfortable, but I stopped targeting them as bad things I needed to get rid of. I started looking at control over the brain as an illusion, or at least unproductive.
Back To The Present
Today I feel much more peaceful than I ever have. This is not to say that I don’t feel any anxiety or sadness, but the process is much, much less involved. The kicker to this experience is that the implementation of mindfulness was not some type of wizardry. It’s more a practice of not doing the things that cause us unnecessary discomfort. That means that I’m not constantly focusing on my anxiety to ensure it’s obedient…it’s more like we’re on the same team.
Thank you for reading, check out these related articles!
How Depersonalization Might Help Anxiety – Depeaced
These Affirmations Can Actually Help Depersonalization – Depeaced
How To Stop Checking In On Depersonalization – Depeaced
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I really like that there are no “good” or “bad” emotions to the brain. They all have their purpose.
I fount that a freeing concept as well. Thank you for your comment.
And when you talked about
“unhealthy but manageable”
and “a battleground of emotion”.
Yes – our brains like our bodies crave homeostasis.
And occasionally novelty and sensation.
Our brains are fascinating things aren’t they.
Yes, fascinating. Our brain uniting the two inseparable ability in it, to deal within universe.
Brent—this is such a great way of explaining such a complicated process! I’m currently working on a manuscript, in part a memoir, where learning to be more mindful and less willful was the beginning of my self-improvement & growth. My inner work. Beginning with radical acceptance, diving into dialectical behavior therapy, considering for once that I might truly be THE problem & approaching it as an experiment to see if I followed all professional instructions & focused my time more on fixing the problem (me), WOULD IT WORK? I found Marsha Linehan’s memoirs inspiring. Not warm & fuzzy but inspirational all the same. Matthew MConaughney’s “Green Lights” was incredibly inspirational. Learning about the development of positive neural pathways to successfully retrain your brain to actually DEFAULT to seeing what you DO have, instead of what you don’t. (Inherently , we are WIRED with the Iizard brain. The fight or flight mode.). It takes a conscious effort to change these things that are fundamental to who we are not only as an individual, but as a species. It’s a powerful thing to realize we have so much control over our own brains & we are capable of altering how it thinks. A change in perspective. Perception checks. Letting things go. Paired with an immense dive into analytical psychology, I have grown so much. As mentioned, you state this entire concept much easier to digest than I would.
Thank you for your comment and kind words. I’ve always thought that Fight or Flight wasn’t complete. Then I came across a third behaviour which fits. There is also Freeze. We see this in the animal world and it holds true for people. You can become who you want to be. Ive changed and I know you can as well. It’s all between your ears.
In my experience with anxiety, which has been with me in various levels for decades, I tend to react with flight or freeze. Neither are fun.
My apologies for the delayed reply. I’m travelling around Australia at the moment. and Internet connections are sometimes difficult.
The three responses are fight, flight, or freeze. People often leave out the last one, but it is valid.
Usually, people react these ways because they don’t have the skills they need to react differently.
Anxiety is often the result of the mind’s confusion about what is going on around them. It’s definitely not a helpful reaction and not always resolvable by mindfulness.
Being mentally calm and grounded is not something that you can achieve overnight with mindfulness exercises.
You can get there, of course, but sometimes we also need additional help.
I have used and still use EFT to help speed up the calmness that’s required.
You can find out more here https://www.palaceofpossibilities.com it’s free.
Thank you. I’ve used EFT sporadically and have found it helpful. It might be wise for me to set aside time to develop it as a practice, rather than only a method of calming when feeling overwhelmed.
I’d agree with that thought Beth. It seems to work better when you use it longer.
I’m wondering about the specific steps you took (and continue to take, I assume) to remain mindful. Would you elaborate on that part? Offer your best tips and a bit of a road map?
A quick response because the last reply covers much that answers this question as well.
One of my favourite ways to be calm and mindful is swimming.
I like to swim 2 – 3 times a week, and each time I swim 2km.
That takes me about an hour during which I cannot be interrupted by the telephone, my wife, my kids, or my grandkids.
In that hour, essentially in an isolation tank with only the rhythm of the strokes and breathing as my constant companions.
It allows me to be calm and relaxed for an hour with nothing else to distract me.
For a while, I didn’t realise that this was ideal mindfulness territory, but then I discovered that the swims had become even more important.
Mindfulness is about finding that calm centre where you can go whenever you need it.
I find that place when I paint. Everything else fades and it’s just me, a canvas, and the paint.
Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. And happy travels!
That happy place is called a Mu place I think. It’s when the passing of time disappears.